With Arms Outstretched

Good friends are hard to find

I keep reading Op-Eds and blog posts about whether Obama can relate to the “meat and potato” guys or if he can naturally elicit ain’t instead of isn’t while sounding believable, and all the while I feel a little sick that this is what it takes for a person (for now, a man) to garner votes outside of the “elite” centers of America. Though I am not from one of these alleged elite cities and regions, I do find myself right smack in the mix of them in terms of mentality, and despite knowing very personally those who believe a proper restaurant is more like the Olive Garden than Todd English’s Olives, well, I just can’t help but feel alienated from this average-American voting bloc. And for that matter, I feel very much outside the mainstream even from within one of those elitist cities.

As crazy as I think they are, there is something rather profound that I miss from my Christian Cultist friends. They did (or do) indeed belong to what I consider a cult, but I will give it to the cult that at least one part of their practice appealed to me, and that is the informal yet organized small group meetings in which to discuss those things that weigh on both our hearts and minds. I was so blessed (and I must use that word thought it reeks of the cult whenever I say it these days) to fall into a group with my friend Heather, a woman whose lively, lovely presence I will forever miss having a mere five minute walk away from wherever I might be. While most of the women in the cult adhered to the strict teachings prescribed to them, Heather was a therapist in training, a skeptic with a thoughtful heart, and above all a friend. She was never content with providing those easy fix catch phrases to theological questions and conundrums that arose, and I vividly remember her dropping all plans for the evening to call her grandfather, Papa John, for theological guidance when all of our brain power failed us. Even if his answer was steeped in intellectualism and still didn’t quite make sense to us, it was still proof that she sought wisdom above all.

wisdom: the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment; the quality of being wise.

Wisdom seems to be missing from my life, not just in some choices that I make but also in the people that surround me. I recently told a friend that, even if it sounds horribly cold, I require a certain level of self-awareness in a friend, a certain level of common sense and maturity, and that this is missing in more than few of my relationships at the moment. I also recently told a different friend of my latest political theory, that our nation is suffering from a lack of education in philosophy and have, therefore, lost the ability to see the forest for the trees on most every issue. Sometimes we say things that are true without realizing the full extent of our thoughts. Here we have two statements, one very micro pertaining to my social circle, the other describing very much the definition of macro, both pointing to the same problem; a lack of wisdom.

I don’t wish to write here that I am wise, because I know that my own wisdom is limited. But I see wisdom and I run after it and long to possess it. And on the rare occasion that I meet someone who speaks with some wisdom, even just a little, I latch on, desperate for a like-minded individual in a world where I feel very alone. I feel there must be some conspiracy to only hire one wise person per city, as all of my greatest friends are separated from me by many, many miles, each in their own respective city (though I must celebrate the reunion of me and Sarah, not a moment too soon!) I know some feel as I do and have mentioned their own frustration in finding kindred spirits, the term I must credit to my dear friend Kristy, who lived for such relationships, every time I use it. And it’s funny, to me, that my best friends really are from my college years (not always necessarily from my college) because I’ve always viewed that “best years of your life” idea with a nice grain of cynicism seeing that most people don’t stay in touch with those people. So seeing that I felt that my best years were well ahead of me, I’ve been more than slightly discouraged in the last year as I haven’t been able to build close relationships of the kind that I am used to and, most importantly, desire and need in this life.

Of course, I am quick to think that it is my own fault that these relationships have not materialized, that my standards are too high and, even worse, unreasonable. But then I think about someone like Obama and how he has lived both an incredibly rich, diverse life and has also been afforded the privilege of an excellent education. These two things together, the experience and knowledge, have combined to produce good judgment; he is truly a wise man. But he’s called an elitist, he’s mocked for using proper English, and he dares to speak policy rather than spout bigoted ideas and outright lies. He has high standards and I admire him for it; it’s inspiring to see someone speak with conviction about changing the (disillusioning) way things are. I know that in writing this I risk sounding like a pompous bitch by comparing myself to someone like Obama, but I feel like I get him. I feel like I know what it’s like to have your mind opened to a new realm of thinking and not knowing how to go back, despite the sacrifices you must make and the people who will no longer respect you for it.

I don’t mind waiting if it takes a long, long time. And I don’t mind wasting the best years of our lives. And I don’t mind racing through out goodbyes.

This was actually written a few weeks ago, and of course the political discourse (if you can call it that) has shifted several times over (I won’t even go into Palin, that’s another day and another bottle of wine), but I there seems to be a similar, yet different, problem at hand, and that is a lack of reason. Or rather, to use Al Gore’s phrase, there is an assault on reason. While I think it is related to having a lack of wisdom insofar as to act consistently with reason, one must have some amount of wisdom. But the problem stems not from a lack in reason but in our society’s disdain for even considering pragmatism in national and personal affairs. I have never found myself so angry and befuddled by arguments and “rationalizations” given from every corner of my life, from how a Hillary supporter should support, without question, the McCain-Palin ticket because someone has lady parts, to explaining away the manipulative and controlling behavior of someone maliciously befriending a sworn enemy as simply that person “changing their mind.” I guess to reason is to face harsh realities, deal with tough shit, and step out of a fog of denial, and I get that sometimes this is the last thing anyone wants to do (how else do you explain how well wine sales are at my little shop despite our country’s economic woes). Sadly, little wisdom is attained with such a state of mind.

Re-examine all you have been told . . . Dismiss what insults your Soul - Walt Whitman

posted by Alison @ 2:12 PM